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I help with reading in Ellie’s class on Tuesday’s (with Jasper in tow) and Thursdays. Last Thursday, on returning home to a sick James he asked me how it had gone to which I replied (possibly in a melodramatic manner); “They crushed my soul.”
I put my hand up to help with story writing on a Thursday in first term as I thought it would be lovely to help, to see Ellie in class, I love ‘story writing’ and that it would be a great way to get to know Ellie’s class mates. And, it has been, but it has also been a real struggle and, an eye opener. At the start of last term story writing changed days and my slot became reading groups and was asked to come on Tuesdays, too, as a way of following on.
I hate to admit it, I am so torn about helping out. I know (especially now, having been in the classroom) that my being there is appreciated by the teachers and that these activities are so much harder without helpers. I love getting to know Ellie’s friends (and children she’s not so close to) and am always happy when they want to tell me things. I am thrilled when children are making headway and I can follow along with their growth.
And yet, sometimes, I find myself dreading it. One of the things I have come to realise is that School Phobia doesn’t go away. Some days I walk through the gate and am hit by pure anxiety. Schools have a ‘smell’. It’s hard to explain, but I hope that you all know what I am talking about. Sometimes, that smell just sets me off and I would rather do anything other than walk into a classroom full of spirited children. Thankfully, I now have the self awareness to know what’s going on and the tools to calm myself down as I walk slowly up the path.
I am pretty sure that if I walked into the classroom in a panic, the children would feed off it and eat me alive. The little angels.
Another thing being a parent helper has taught me is that kids at school are full on. Full. On. They’re busy, stimulated, egged on, trying to be heard. Multiplying one child by 40 is crazy and overwhelming.
I think, what it’s coming down to is that I am tired. As an introvert, I need some quiet time quite often to refresh and reset. It’s just not happening. Especially now that I am also spending Sundays in a hall with other dance mums for dance rehearsals. I won’t get started on that, though, because ARGH.
I get up in the morning and feel so overwhelmed before I’ve done anything. I think I need to find a little of that quiet.
Do you help in your child’s class?
Do you have a contrary relationship with helping or are you on top of it?
Are you spending your weekends at dance rehearsal, too?
